You are special

You're loved just as you are.
(Ephesians 3:17-19)
You've got everything you need.
Just when you need it.
(Philippians 4:19)
You're going to make it through.
Just when you least expect it.
(Romans 8:28)

And just in case the noise of the busy and the difficult makes it a little hard to hear, listen closely - the Heart of Heaven is cheering you on and others who love you are too. ~ 

Is this not so true. Our children need to know how special they are, not just special needs because of there difficulties, but uniquely. special individuals who are beautiful just the way they are no matter what difficulties they may have. They have everything they need. The world has this way of having blinders on and it must be like this or like that. Nothing is ever just black and white. it can be neon colored or brightly spotted. They will make it through because God does not make junk and just when they least expect it or think they are on there last hope they will succeed because they are stronger more determined individuals who know that life is not easy and they have to work extra hard to get to where they need to go. Like i said before it is not the destination that counts as much as the journey getting there.

They need to listen closely to there hearts, because there are so many people, friends, parents etc who love them and are cheering them on to that finish line. Whose hearts are filled with belief and hope and love for them.

You are special not just because you have difficulties, but because God has given them other gifts and they have no idea how there lives might of touched others without them realizing it.

Make sure your child knows they special and loved just the way they are, that regardless they have all they need and when the time comes they know what will help them make it through when they least expect it, or are just about to give up. Let them know they are loved by many and regardless you are proud of them just the way they are.

To Overcome

To Over come: To succeed in a problem or difficulty

Faith will be re doing grade 4, she is not making the grade and they feel she has severe learning problems. I try and breath and take this all in. My husband and I know it is not going be easy she still has many hurdles to overcome at school, in life. I try not let all this get to me but sometimes just when i think i am fine and handle all something else happens and i try not to cry or get all emotional. I sometimes just feel numb like i just don't want to see anyone , speak to anyone cause I feel people just don't grasp the severity of what we are going through and what Faith is trying to deal with, which she hasn't even grasped yet cause she is not mature enough to handle it all.

Reggie and I made a promise to ourselves. She will overcome, she will be an success, she will make something of herself. We will not let these disabilities allow her to fail. We will not give up on her,we will not stop until she has become the best she can be. I have to tell myself this to move myself forward and sometimes it is very tiring to do this, but we go on. I don't even know if Faith will make it to matric.

To overcome - succeed in a problem or difficulty. Please realize there difficulty and their difficulty. I would never change Faith for the world. She is the reason i wake up every morning and she has opened our eyes to so much other things we would never of seen if she had not been born premature. 

Is it too much to ask as a mother that you just want your child to have opportunities that come so easy to other children. Is it too much to ask that you want to see just one thing that she doesn't struggle with, but does with ease to take the enormous pressure she has on her shoulders with everything else off a bit. Is it too much to ask that you want your child to succeed in this world and be able to live an independent life like we wish for all our kids.

I know her learning disabilities will never disappear  her general anxiety disorder she will have to handle as she gets older, her adhd she will have to learn to control , but regardless of all these we want her to OVERCOME, to SUCCEED, to PROSPER. After all she been through and still will have to go through I think she deserves it and should demand it of herself and show the world that it may take me longer but i will Overcome.

 

Anticipation

“Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.” 

Faith recently is been checked for her IQ in the the different levels of development and at what age she is working at to determine how to help her best . 

This game of waiting for us parents. You know what i mean every test, every checkup, every development milestone is like you holding your breath waiting for the sword to drop.You know that your child has problems but it is exhausting as every year every development holds different outcomes and you don't know what to expect and your heart just cries out thinking how to handle all of these things that the doctors  speech therapist, occupational therapist,psychologist , teachers tell you.

Every waiting in anticipation hoping someone would say something positive instead of negative. Always what she cant do, what she cant perform, what she unable to achieve and you as a parent have to look at your child in her eyes and say " You can do anything you put your mind to" with a hope at the same time you believe the same . Without her knowing all the things she is struggling with.

Faiths officially 11 years old now. She is more aware of things and just yesterday she asked me why she goes to Vista Nova. The time is coming where i have to explain every little thing she cannot do and hope that for the past 11 years we have built her confidence up enough to not let it affect her. We anguish everyday over her and at the same time know she has come along way. But that waiting that anticipation for every new thing she has to over come, every new test they want to see how far her development has come. It aches in my heart and i so wish i could just wish it all away, but that wont be wise because we have to deal with reality in order to do the best we can for her for now for tomorrow and her future.

Been a parent of a special needs child is like having your heart permanently on  a string , You not sure which way someone is 
going yank it and you always holding your breath waiting for something else to hit. Every year it has been something new for 
us from the time she was born the anticipation from her survival 
to if she would ever make it home, to been home and hoping nothing will go wrong, to wondering if she crawl or 
walk at the right age , eat at the right age,say her first word
 at the right age. Then on to school and finding how she struggles academically with her spacial that she cant balance or skip at the ages that other kids to, to finding out she has General anxiety disorder and adhd and those are challenges on there own.

The anticipation i feel will never end and all we can do is take one day at a time and thank God everyday that she is this ball of energy that shines through the darkness that we find ourselves in, that she smiles and laughs and jokes and plays and loves and feels and take every moment as it comes with a hope for the next drop of the ball to hope it may get a little bit easier for Faith and for us. But we leave all of these in Gods hands for he must have a plan and to keep us strong for every time we have to wait with anticipation for the next hurdle to overcome.

Blessings

"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings."

Brian Tracy

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/briantracy125750.html#dHyAuH80IKD6302P.99 

Today is my niece Tarryn birthday, tomorrow is my beautiful daughter Faith;s 11 birthday. Both have been through lot in life. Sometimes a bit too much than any kids should handle. But as I gave Tarryn her beautiful cake and gifts and saw how she has grown from the broken child she was 7 years ago and Faith who is so excited to have her sleepover party tomorrow with her friends. I truly feel blessed. Because although this trials and needs that have drained us and made us feel tired and we have to find all the energy to go on, just seeing there glow in there face and the light in there eyes i feel we have come along way and we have overcome lot of obstacles and we will still need to over come more. But i think we need to acknowledge the hurdles we have overcome. So to see Tarryn and Faith so happy and content i feel we have grown, we have gotten through lot and we are truly blessed to have kids that still laugh and smile and joke regardless of the difficulties they may or may still need to overcome.

Acknowledge all the things you have overcome with your child it keeps you going forward. it keeps you positive and you as a parent will also feel that although some things are trial and error you have done a great job if your kids are excited and smiling and happy individuals. You have taught them to be that way and that is a great blessing. We need to be excited . It is these moments that get us through the darker times and the good memories that keep us focusing on that the future can still be great,

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.

Seize the day

"From your child with special needs: "I know that I am different and I've asked you to look at the world in a whole new way. I believe in you because you believe in me." HOPELights♥

Time does not stand still, we have but one day to see, experience and embrace the challenges that we have. All we can do is take one minute , one hour , one day at a time. 

No two days are the same. With Faith one day she may be in high spirits the next she may awake because of nightmares, or anxiety. Or school may be a challenge, friends may be a challenge. Life in general. 

Each day is an opportunity to find the positive out of a day that may be full of cobwebs and dust and find the sun shine down on you so you may feel the warmth on your face and smile, because we need to appreciate every moment . It may be a good day or a bad day. Each moment with our kids teaches us and them to appreciate every moment we have with them and we have the choice to capture the moments in a good way although it may drain us with the challenges they face.

One day at a time to show them as well to live life to the fullest, no matter what kind of day you may wake to. That the sun will shine, the stars will glow and that a new day will dawn where we can start all over again and nothing is the end of the world.

We have to teach them that the mistakes from yesterday are gone and each day is a new day to start a fresh and it is up to us to decide if we are going have awesome moments or unhappy moments.

Our lives will be a reflection of theirs. The way we handle life, love, laughter, they will take in. We need to teach them to see that even just seeing a flower blossom after a bad day , is a day to be thankful for. That we always need to find something each and every day to be thankful for, no matter how we feel or they feel. If we teach them to think on a more positive way, there minds will eventually think that way and they will be happier more wholesome individuals.

I always ask faith how her day was and i tell her if you tell me a negative thing about your day, you also have to think of a positive thing that happen today regardless how small.

It is the small things that keep us going through the darkest times. The hug, the sms of kind words, the sweet whisper of i love you.

Don't let little things get you down.

You've got many big reasons to look up

To God and say thanks.

 It's going to be a great day. 

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Serenity prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.

Notice it doesn't say don't worry, it asks us to accept and find some kind of inner peace for the things we cant change. To realize that all our kids are special in whatever way and although all there disabilities frustrate and tire us sometimes we as parents need to take on the challenge to realize this is who they are and find  peace about it, embrace it and find the positive out of all the negative that usually surrounds us. Teach our kids to accept the things they cant change either and find inner peace inside them about it.

Courage to change the things i can

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that complain all the time and those that sort out there problems. Don't come to me and complain if you have done nothing to sort the problem out. Don't get me wrong a person needs to vent granted, but at the same time you need to be a strong, courageous, inspiring parent for our kids. There lives are difficult enough and we need to show them what needs to be done, how to live life, how to be courageous and take on the duty of accepting and changing what they can.

Wisdom to know the difference

This is the hardest one of all, as e learn this through time and trial and error, as there is no hand books to show you the way. With wisdom and time we know the difference. We find acceptance and we change what we can. We need to pass these trades on to our kids. It is the greatest lessons they will learn when life is already so difficult.

If we as parents of special need kids can teach them the serenity prayer, to accept that they are who they are and can't change that. Teach them to learn what is important to change and to know the difference between the too so they know when life pushes and pulls them and they don't know what direction to go. They would of bean taught to know the difference and be wiser, at peace with who they are and embrace there lives with confidence and courage.

Perserverance

Perseverance - verb meaning to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success.

This is what we teach our kids every day, every time the light goes out of there faces cause other kids can do things they cant. When they feel like there hearts are going break because they cant join in for whatever there problem is. Perseverance is what we need to teach them every day, because it will not get better, it may get a bit easier in some departments and then worsen in others as they get older and life changes. 


We were at friends one night and they all were doing cart wheels, i didn't even notice it but Faith had quietly disappeared and had gone to sit in the room. I looked around for her and asked where she was and they didn't know, so i went inside and found her sitting in the room crying and upset. I asked her what was wrong. She said 'Mom i cant do it, I said do what ? The cartwheels Mom i cant do it and they all can. I said i know you can't sweetheart t and it is ok you just persevere with it and you eventually get there even if it is not perfect and if they are your friends, be honest with them and tell them and let them help you. That's what friends are suppose to do. She said Mom it's hard . I said i know it is hard but if you don't try , if you don't persevere you will never know if you can or cant , and even if you don't do it one hundred percent it is ok too. We hugged and she went out and i stood there and she told them feeling a bit low that she couldn't do cart wheels and they were ok with it, they showed her, held her legs and made her feel part of it all, not disconnected. I am thankful for that.

Such a simple, easy,thing to do, yet for Faith her whole world was crumbling because of this one thing. Perseverance i tell her when she has tests, when her anxiety kicks in and she feels nervous, when we have a bike sitting that we not using because she just cant turn the peddles around and ride a bike yet and she turning 11 yrs old.  When she cant even pick up Leo our new kitten cause of her fears. I think how deflated our kids must feel having to always have to try something over and over and over, never just been able to get something right the first time, but then i think to myself that as they grow up and pass certain hurdles, maybe achieve some goals they will be stronger and more confident individuals and appreciate everything in life more because it took them longer to get there. 

It is not the destination that counts so much but the journey getting there, because we would of learned so much along the way. I see it every day with Faith she is a thankful child. She will tell me twenty times thank you for something and as young as she is she has learned to be thankful for so much, so many little stuff even the Kitten Leo we got her that she cant even pick up yet she is thankful for and says we the best Mom and dad in the world.

Perseverance to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success.

 I am in awe of my daughter Faith, that although she knows most of the time she may fail she keeps on persevering.

Letting Go

Letting Go

For myself

It took me along time to forgive my self and not feel like I was the reason Faith was born premature and for all the problems she has now. I use to cry why this happened  I was a healthy woman did not smoke and drink a lot, she was planned as well. I fought with myself all the time and felt like i owed her something. Maybe time or had to now give more than my all cause i felt so bad. Then after many years of backward and forward fighting with myself and hoping my husband and everyone else might not think also it was my body that was not working. Not doing what it is suppose to do. I realized like a light bulb that i need to stop beating myself up. Crap happens, to put it bluntly. I have always before Faith was born and still now 11 years later done whatever i can to be there for her in any way possible. It doesn't matter she has these problems, she is healthy , loved and blessed and she is where she is now through all the hard work, effort and sacrifice my self and husband have put in. That Faith is my Gift from God. Maybe to make me a stronger person, or a more dedicated person. I don't know. God has his reasons . 

So it is OK to cry about it, and get angry and to let it all out. That's how we heal. We don't get to, do we, cause we go in to survival mode and just do what  we have to do and people forget about how this traumatic thing has affected us, because everyone concentrated on the baby and forget that it affects us as well. So Let it Go and Let it Be and let Life move on .

For my child

We hold on a little more than other parents do, don't we. We worry more, we check more, we sort out things more, we help more. It's all because we know they have difficulties and to try and find the balance to let them go and be a little more independent is difficult. It is easy for others to talk. When you don't have to worry how your child feels, acts or re acts to every situation, how she cant do, maybe can do some activities. How every thing in her life you are a part of. How do you just let go. When, what age do you do that. You know what!. 

WHENEVER YOU FEEL YOU READY.

Faith and I are very close , have been from birth. My bond with her , all we do her knowing I'm there for her each and every step of the way will make her a more secure and confident person. I know when she feels she can ,she herself will say " Mom it is OK i want to do this" and there it will start slowly and then we slowly know it all will be OK. Our kids have had a rougher start to life so the same rules do not apply. The baby books did not help me at all when Faith was 640g. It was trial and error. So let go of your child when you and her feel the right time is, not when friends or family say so. You both have been through a traumatic experience and no one will be able to fully understand the emotional drama that arises from this. I know when Faith is a teenager and then an adult . Our bond is going be even better, because i was interested in everything she did and i was there to talk to and that will never change no matter how old she gets.

Quote for today

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.” 
― C. JoyBell C.