Anticipation

“Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.” 

Faith recently is been checked for her IQ in the the different levels of development and at what age she is working at to determine how to help her best . 

This game of waiting for us parents. You know what i mean every test, every checkup, every development milestone is like you holding your breath waiting for the sword to drop.You know that your child has problems but it is exhausting as every year every development holds different outcomes and you don't know what to expect and your heart just cries out thinking how to handle all of these things that the doctors  speech therapist, occupational therapist,psychologist , teachers tell you.

Every waiting in anticipation hoping someone would say something positive instead of negative. Always what she cant do, what she cant perform, what she unable to achieve and you as a parent have to look at your child in her eyes and say " You can do anything you put your mind to" with a hope at the same time you believe the same . Without her knowing all the things she is struggling with.

Faiths officially 11 years old now. She is more aware of things and just yesterday she asked me why she goes to Vista Nova. The time is coming where i have to explain every little thing she cannot do and hope that for the past 11 years we have built her confidence up enough to not let it affect her. We anguish everyday over her and at the same time know she has come along way. But that waiting that anticipation for every new thing she has to over come, every new test they want to see how far her development has come. It aches in my heart and i so wish i could just wish it all away, but that wont be wise because we have to deal with reality in order to do the best we can for her for now for tomorrow and her future.

Been a parent of a special needs child is like having your heart permanently on  a string , You not sure which way someone is 
going yank it and you always holding your breath waiting for something else to hit. Every year it has been something new for 
us from the time she was born the anticipation from her survival 
to if she would ever make it home, to been home and hoping nothing will go wrong, to wondering if she crawl or 
walk at the right age , eat at the right age,say her first word
 at the right age. Then on to school and finding how she struggles academically with her spacial that she cant balance or skip at the ages that other kids to, to finding out she has General anxiety disorder and adhd and those are challenges on there own.

The anticipation i feel will never end and all we can do is take one day at a time and thank God everyday that she is this ball of energy that shines through the darkness that we find ourselves in, that she smiles and laughs and jokes and plays and loves and feels and take every moment as it comes with a hope for the next drop of the ball to hope it may get a little bit easier for Faith and for us. But we leave all of these in Gods hands for he must have a plan and to keep us strong for every time we have to wait with anticipation for the next hurdle to overcome.

Blessings

"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings."

Brian Tracy

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Today is my niece Tarryn birthday, tomorrow is my beautiful daughter Faith;s 11 birthday. Both have been through lot in life. Sometimes a bit too much than any kids should handle. But as I gave Tarryn her beautiful cake and gifts and saw how she has grown from the broken child she was 7 years ago and Faith who is so excited to have her sleepover party tomorrow with her friends. I truly feel blessed. Because although this trials and needs that have drained us and made us feel tired and we have to find all the energy to go on, just seeing there glow in there face and the light in there eyes i feel we have come along way and we have overcome lot of obstacles and we will still need to over come more. But i think we need to acknowledge the hurdles we have overcome. So to see Tarryn and Faith so happy and content i feel we have grown, we have gotten through lot and we are truly blessed to have kids that still laugh and smile and joke regardless of the difficulties they may or may still need to overcome.

Acknowledge all the things you have overcome with your child it keeps you going forward. it keeps you positive and you as a parent will also feel that although some things are trial and error you have done a great job if your kids are excited and smiling and happy individuals. You have taught them to be that way and that is a great blessing. We need to be excited . It is these moments that get us through the darker times and the good memories that keep us focusing on that the future can still be great,

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.

Seize the day

"From your child with special needs: "I know that I am different and I've asked you to look at the world in a whole new way. I believe in you because you believe in me." HOPELights♥

Time does not stand still, we have but one day to see, experience and embrace the challenges that we have. All we can do is take one minute , one hour , one day at a time. 

No two days are the same. With Faith one day she may be in high spirits the next she may awake because of nightmares, or anxiety. Or school may be a challenge, friends may be a challenge. Life in general. 

Each day is an opportunity to find the positive out of a day that may be full of cobwebs and dust and find the sun shine down on you so you may feel the warmth on your face and smile, because we need to appreciate every moment . It may be a good day or a bad day. Each moment with our kids teaches us and them to appreciate every moment we have with them and we have the choice to capture the moments in a good way although it may drain us with the challenges they face.

One day at a time to show them as well to live life to the fullest, no matter what kind of day you may wake to. That the sun will shine, the stars will glow and that a new day will dawn where we can start all over again and nothing is the end of the world.

We have to teach them that the mistakes from yesterday are gone and each day is a new day to start a fresh and it is up to us to decide if we are going have awesome moments or unhappy moments.

Our lives will be a reflection of theirs. The way we handle life, love, laughter, they will take in. We need to teach them to see that even just seeing a flower blossom after a bad day , is a day to be thankful for. That we always need to find something each and every day to be thankful for, no matter how we feel or they feel. If we teach them to think on a more positive way, there minds will eventually think that way and they will be happier more wholesome individuals.

I always ask faith how her day was and i tell her if you tell me a negative thing about your day, you also have to think of a positive thing that happen today regardless how small.

It is the small things that keep us going through the darkest times. The hug, the sms of kind words, the sweet whisper of i love you.

Don't let little things get you down.

You've got many big reasons to look up

To God and say thanks.

 It's going to be a great day. 

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Serenity prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.

Notice it doesn't say don't worry, it asks us to accept and find some kind of inner peace for the things we cant change. To realize that all our kids are special in whatever way and although all there disabilities frustrate and tire us sometimes we as parents need to take on the challenge to realize this is who they are and find  peace about it, embrace it and find the positive out of all the negative that usually surrounds us. Teach our kids to accept the things they cant change either and find inner peace inside them about it.

Courage to change the things i can

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that complain all the time and those that sort out there problems. Don't come to me and complain if you have done nothing to sort the problem out. Don't get me wrong a person needs to vent granted, but at the same time you need to be a strong, courageous, inspiring parent for our kids. There lives are difficult enough and we need to show them what needs to be done, how to live life, how to be courageous and take on the duty of accepting and changing what they can.

Wisdom to know the difference

This is the hardest one of all, as e learn this through time and trial and error, as there is no hand books to show you the way. With wisdom and time we know the difference. We find acceptance and we change what we can. We need to pass these trades on to our kids. It is the greatest lessons they will learn when life is already so difficult.

If we as parents of special need kids can teach them the serenity prayer, to accept that they are who they are and can't change that. Teach them to learn what is important to change and to know the difference between the too so they know when life pushes and pulls them and they don't know what direction to go. They would of bean taught to know the difference and be wiser, at peace with who they are and embrace there lives with confidence and courage.

Perserverance

Perseverance - verb meaning to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success.

This is what we teach our kids every day, every time the light goes out of there faces cause other kids can do things they cant. When they feel like there hearts are going break because they cant join in for whatever there problem is. Perseverance is what we need to teach them every day, because it will not get better, it may get a bit easier in some departments and then worsen in others as they get older and life changes. 


We were at friends one night and they all were doing cart wheels, i didn't even notice it but Faith had quietly disappeared and had gone to sit in the room. I looked around for her and asked where she was and they didn't know, so i went inside and found her sitting in the room crying and upset. I asked her what was wrong. She said 'Mom i cant do it, I said do what ? The cartwheels Mom i cant do it and they all can. I said i know you can't sweetheart t and it is ok you just persevere with it and you eventually get there even if it is not perfect and if they are your friends, be honest with them and tell them and let them help you. That's what friends are suppose to do. She said Mom it's hard . I said i know it is hard but if you don't try , if you don't persevere you will never know if you can or cant , and even if you don't do it one hundred percent it is ok too. We hugged and she went out and i stood there and she told them feeling a bit low that she couldn't do cart wheels and they were ok with it, they showed her, held her legs and made her feel part of it all, not disconnected. I am thankful for that.

Such a simple, easy,thing to do, yet for Faith her whole world was crumbling because of this one thing. Perseverance i tell her when she has tests, when her anxiety kicks in and she feels nervous, when we have a bike sitting that we not using because she just cant turn the peddles around and ride a bike yet and she turning 11 yrs old.  When she cant even pick up Leo our new kitten cause of her fears. I think how deflated our kids must feel having to always have to try something over and over and over, never just been able to get something right the first time, but then i think to myself that as they grow up and pass certain hurdles, maybe achieve some goals they will be stronger and more confident individuals and appreciate everything in life more because it took them longer to get there. 

It is not the destination that counts so much but the journey getting there, because we would of learned so much along the way. I see it every day with Faith she is a thankful child. She will tell me twenty times thank you for something and as young as she is she has learned to be thankful for so much, so many little stuff even the Kitten Leo we got her that she cant even pick up yet she is thankful for and says we the best Mom and dad in the world.

Perseverance to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success.

 I am in awe of my daughter Faith, that although she knows most of the time she may fail she keeps on persevering.

Letting Go

Letting Go

For myself

It took me along time to forgive my self and not feel like I was the reason Faith was born premature and for all the problems she has now. I use to cry why this happened  I was a healthy woman did not smoke and drink a lot, she was planned as well. I fought with myself all the time and felt like i owed her something. Maybe time or had to now give more than my all cause i felt so bad. Then after many years of backward and forward fighting with myself and hoping my husband and everyone else might not think also it was my body that was not working. Not doing what it is suppose to do. I realized like a light bulb that i need to stop beating myself up. Crap happens, to put it bluntly. I have always before Faith was born and still now 11 years later done whatever i can to be there for her in any way possible. It doesn't matter she has these problems, she is healthy , loved and blessed and she is where she is now through all the hard work, effort and sacrifice my self and husband have put in. That Faith is my Gift from God. Maybe to make me a stronger person, or a more dedicated person. I don't know. God has his reasons . 

So it is OK to cry about it, and get angry and to let it all out. That's how we heal. We don't get to, do we, cause we go in to survival mode and just do what  we have to do and people forget about how this traumatic thing has affected us, because everyone concentrated on the baby and forget that it affects us as well. So Let it Go and Let it Be and let Life move on .

For my child

We hold on a little more than other parents do, don't we. We worry more, we check more, we sort out things more, we help more. It's all because we know they have difficulties and to try and find the balance to let them go and be a little more independent is difficult. It is easy for others to talk. When you don't have to worry how your child feels, acts or re acts to every situation, how she cant do, maybe can do some activities. How every thing in her life you are a part of. How do you just let go. When, what age do you do that. You know what!. 

WHENEVER YOU FEEL YOU READY.

Faith and I are very close , have been from birth. My bond with her , all we do her knowing I'm there for her each and every step of the way will make her a more secure and confident person. I know when she feels she can ,she herself will say " Mom it is OK i want to do this" and there it will start slowly and then we slowly know it all will be OK. Our kids have had a rougher start to life so the same rules do not apply. The baby books did not help me at all when Faith was 640g. It was trial and error. So let go of your child when you and her feel the right time is, not when friends or family say so. You both have been through a traumatic experience and no one will be able to fully understand the emotional drama that arises from this. I know when Faith is a teenager and then an adult . Our bond is going be even better, because i was interested in everything she did and i was there to talk to and that will never change no matter how old she gets.

Quote for today

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

For the Love of it

For the Love of it

Live, love , Laugh. I truly believe all our children have a gift. I am to blame too we focus so much on what they can't do, because we have had the negative words drummed in to us over and over by teachers and doctors and care givers since they were born. We loose focus and we really should stand still and look and find what our child's Gift is. We are not all suppose to be brilliant in maths or history or any school based subjects where the school structure is so rigid even mainstream kids have difficulty getting through.

Our kids know how to find pure joy in something because for them it doesn't happen often with all the struggles they deal with. So when I see Faiths dancing and singing and forgetting all her anxiety, forgetting how she not making the grade, or the bad dreams at night she has. I too then forget all those things and smile and see through all the negativity that can drain a parent so much, it is hard to find the positive side of anything. It took my friend Carmen to make me realize this and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

 Find your child's Gift and focus on that. We allow too many people put our kids down cause it is always what they cant do, but there is so much they can do, it is just not the norm of the world. So what is really normal hey, normal is boring why not be fabulously different. We all need it sometimes.

Quote for today: Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

Harriet Tubman

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Courageous

Courageous

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

It is exhausting is it not! As parents it seems our brains are always on the go. Even when I go to bed at night I am thinking what the next day will hold and how I must plan the day, her routine. The way we say bye every day at aftercare/ If we do it wrong or the routine gets disrupted, that's it ,she is anxious or upset the whole day. The way we put her to bed, lamp light on, calm CD on, kiss good night and hope she has a restful night. The energy levels still high after a long day and you wish you could have 5% extra just to keep up with them running around as if they just woke up.

You Sit down and feel all overwhelmed a bit and need just a chance to breathe and have a time out to try and get your mind right again. Then your child, your child that has this ADHD, this child that has GAD, this child that struggles and needs routine and exhausts you cause you have to be positive all the time, and you feel sometimes it can get too much. Your child comes to you and says 

" Mom, Dad just wanted to say i love you, you guys are the best."

 And you get the biggest squeeze ever like they breaking your bones , and they smile and you smile and some how you do breathe once more and you find the courage like a quiet voice inside you to do this all again tomorrow.

The Gift - Our Kids teach us to be courageous for them.

Tears of Joy and Sadness

Tears of Joy and Sadness

As Faith and I one night lay cuddled in the bed just chatting before it was her bedtime, she turned to me and said "Mom why do i have anxiety?, Why do i struggle so ?." My eyes started to fill with tears and I got this lump in my throat cause I felt like my heart was going break. I had no idea what to say to my 11 year old, what words could ever satisfy her.There are none. I held her in my arms and just said." Maybe I can explain better when you older, for now just know that you are a very special and no matter what you go through your Dad and I will always be here to help you through anything, so don't be afraid ". I cried myself to sleep that night cause my heart felt sore and I wish I could of had some solid reason to give her to make her feel more at peace, but I didn't. No psychological or  scientific jargon would of helped and no explanation would she understand. 

I woke up trying gain my strength and start the next morning on a positive note, especially with her anxiety we needed to be as positive as possible for her. She knows when I stress or am upset or feel sad. I got her sorted ready for the day and we have a saying a, actually two. " I will have Faith in Faith." and " Today will be a pink day". I remind her every day to say that to herself to overcome when there are times we are not around, at school feeling overwhelmed cause she cant grasp the work or on the play ground when friends are not been as nice as they should be.

My tears are sad and joyful and I pain everyday wondering what she thinks every day, how she feels every day. Will this get better or worse?. Teenage hood is around the corner and we now have to hold thumbs that depression will not come, as with anxiety disorders depression follows later.

Tenderness
Encourage
Accept
Renew
Support

My Tears need to be Tender, encourage her, accept her for who she is, renew her each day and support her always.

The Gift -  Faith has shown me how to be compassionate, how to be stronger than i ever thought i could be and how to be a better mother to her each and every day

Meet Faith

Meet Faith Page :) 

This is just a small glimpse of Faith although she seems quiet fine on the outside the struggle is within with general anxiety disorder, adhd, low muscle tone, fine and gross motor and spatial problems.  She loves dancing and singing and Disney channel 303 and Monster High lol. She is our gift from God . 

Over compensating for our kids

Over compensating for our kids

Have you been told you too over protective, you give in too easy, or you letting them get away with stuff. It is a fine line when you have a special needs child. Where do you draw the line between discipline and letting them down especially when they already have a difficult life with a lot of stuff. To me the point is. I will do whatever it takes to give my child any opportunity they can get. With already her not been able to do many other small things that other kids take for granted why must i be so strict and not allow myself and my child to see some joy some release of pure happiness from her when she already finds life difficult. Don't get me wrong been naughty is naughty but i think people forget when your child is 11 yrs old and cant ride a bike still because of her low muscle town, or cant spread a piece of bread properly because of her fine motor skill problem, is scared to do certain activities cause of her fears etc. You don't nit pick . If she asks to do something and you can make her happy why not. It is easy for people to talk when there kids get good grades can do almost anything, and all is OK.  So if i am a little more over protective, or i over compensate a little more than the next person will , so be it. Don't feel that you as a parent are doing anything wrong, What we go through every day i'm sure we would give our kidney, or gallbladder to see our child find joy in life , to find joy in something so it doesn't feel like all they do is struggle and struggle and struggle. It is easy for any one to speak but when your child finds life more like one big hurdle ,you find any opportunity you can to see them relaxed and just smile and just make there eyes shine with happiness. Because they deserve happiness just like any other child except it doesn't come that easy for them.

The Gift here is that our Kids teach us to choose what is really worth arguing and fighting about, what is worth saying No to instead of Yes because our hearts are softer and our eyes see more as we see in there eyes how one small thing could mean the world to them, but not so much to anyone else. 

Quote for today:" Celebrate the Little things"

Poem for Parents

POEM FOR PARENTS 

I found a poem written by a mother who has a special needs child. Although special needs varies from physical or learning difficulties, adhd, anxiety etc it is all the same.

This is for all the parents : You are chosen especially by God Please know you are very special and your child knows that to.

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth: 
"It's time again for another birth." 
Said the Angels to the Lord Above, 
"This special child will need much love."
Her progress may seem very slow, 
Accomplishments she may not show 
And she'll require extra care 
From folks she meets way down there.

She may not run or laugh or play
Her thoughts may seem quite far away:
In many ways she isn't adapt
And she'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where she's sent
We want her life to be content.
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play
But with this child sent from above
Comes a stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for the Gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge,
so meek and mild
Is Heaven's Very Special Child.
Edna Massimilla

The Gift here is God chooses special people to be there parents. Please know you as parents dealing with this day in and day out are special and valued.

Friendship

Friendship

I was thinking last night what i would say for my 2nd Blog. As i whatapp the link to my friends to get there input if they thought this was a good idea, i realized how important friends are especially when you have a special needs child. My friend Stacey thought it was a brilliant idea and encouraged me to continue. I have felt 2 sides of this coin. I have friends that are very sensitive when it comes to Faith and then i have had friends that just cant grasp thinking before they react and by so doing not inviting her to there child's daughter's birthday because she was afraid of the dog. This unfortunately only found out much later but it hung in my brain how people can not be more sensitive to other peoples needs. Faith with her anxiety has had to overcome a lot of fears. She was scared of escalators, dogs,sleeping alone, the dark. She has nightmares every night that my husband and i might die this is what GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER does. It makes your mind blow something so small in to something so large it feels like it may happen. Try and put your mind in this 10 yr old shoes. Throat getting dry and you feel like some thing traumatic is going happen and you cant handle it, and of course you cant you 10. That's why Mom and Dad are there. Let me give you a tip, research as much as you can on your child's special needs, get to know them how they see life, love . They see things in ways we could never imagine, they feel things deeper stronger and with more emotion then we will ever understand. So when faith gives me so many hugs every day and says Mom i love you about 50 times in a day, I smile cause as much as she is going through things i cant imagine, I also know she will grow up to be a child that is sensitive to others needs and problems cause she feels that, she experiences that and she sees that as well going to a special needs school every day and she is made aware that everyone she is with every day has a problem but they deserve still to go to that party and be treated in the the same way.Us as her parents have realized who our true friends are and who are not. The Gift she has brought us is that we have gotten to see life differently, we have had to be more sensitive and caring and understanding because of her needs and i thank God for that. it has made me a better person and see things in a brighter light than before.

So i decided each time I end my Blog I will end with a quote. Something to leave you with to think about and hoping you come back for more. Please do leave comments. I need all the feedback i can get. This is new to me and we can dialogue together .

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.”

The Gift

The Gift

A child born premature is a gift from God. Almost 11 years ago my husband Reg and i were ready to bury our baby girl. Born premature 640g had 2 blood transfusion and 3 months in hospital she is an image of what God can do in your life and although we have struggled every day to get her to be the best that she can be we feel privileged to be her parents.

Faith Story

Low muscle tone, gross motor problems, fine motor problems, spatial problems, general anxiety disorder, Adhd and learning difficulties. This my child has to face every day to struggle at school and‎ struggle with fears, to struggle with holding a pen or understanding work that her spatial problem just wont allow her to understand. Been a parent of a special needs child is a gift . You learn to appreciate every small goal they achieve every second and every minute of the day ,week , month or year. Because for them every small achievement that so many other kids can do with ease is a difficult struggle for them each and every day of there lives. I lie awake at night sometimes trying put myself in my 10 yr old shoes and just cant even grasp how she must deal with it all and yet she is this fun loving bouncy confident child. Faith journey from only having 10% chance of survival to the beautiful pic above is already a great and huge achievement which she cant see yet. 

This Blog i write for all those moms of kids with special need kids, with moms who have kids with general anxiety disorder, for those moms who have kids with adhd and for me so i can express my frustrations, my joys and my gratefulness to God for although it so far has been an up heel battle i would never change my child for the world.

Keep reading and i hope and pray that my words may either inspire you, help you or just realize as moms and dads you are not alone and our kids are Gift s from God.

Some Links for help: www.littlemiracle.co.za/html/help_for_preemies.html‎
http://www.childweb.co.za www.sadag.org/‎